This past week has probably been the hardest week of my life. I wont go into many details as I don’t think I’m ready to share yet, but it has been awful.
I’m now at day 6 of my breakup. I feel like I’ve been through a horrific ordeal. Like I’ve been involved in a tragic incident or something. I have eaten 2 meals in 6 days, had about 10 hours sleep and have hardly moved. My heart actually hurts, it’s like a physical pain. I’ve been through my baby’s dad leaving me pregnant, an abusive relationship, and a relationship with an addict so I’ve had my fair share of drama but this was real, this was ‘the one’. He was, well is, the most amazing person I’ve ever met, he’s so caring and loving. He makes me so happy, he gives me butterflies and makes me feel all warm inside. He makes me forget all of my problems and gives me really high hopes for the future. He makes me feel good about myself which is something I’ve never had before. He made my anxiety better, I actually left the house which is a huge step for me. He got on with my daughter, he made us laugh, everything about him was amazing. And now he’s gone.
How do you get over that? How do you go from being so happy that you could float to suddenly being on your own and miserable in the next breath. I don’t really understand why he left, he just kept saying he ‘wasn’t ready’ but that doesn’t feel real, that just seems like a cliché thing to say. I’m hurting so much and I just can’t seem to get over it. Like I said in the beginning a lot of other things have happened this week and I think some of that affected him too, he seemed upset at first. He wasn’t posting anything, he was really quiet, he seemed very reserved. He went to go see a band with his friends a few nights later and I could tell he wasn’t really in the mood but he seems to be getting back to his normal self and I just can’t. I still can’t function. Every time I think about him I just want to cry. He left some shirts here and I can still smell him on them. Every time I walk into my room I can picture him laying in my bed smiling waiting for me, Every car that pulls up outside I think it’s him, every time my phone goes off I think he’s text. I can’t get him out of my head!
I keep telling myself laying around being this absolute mess isn’t going to help anything but I literally have no energy. I’m not going to get him back wallowing in self pity, I need to get up and remind him I’m still the girl he fell in love with. But its so hard.
I’ve always handled break ups amazingly, always took it in my stride. I never let it bother me because I’m independent and I’ve never needed a man, but this time its so different. We had a five year plan, our lives together were planned and now it’s gone
I don’t know how I’m going to get over this. I really don’t.