I’m feeling very deflated today. It’s been one of them stressy days where the baby has just winged and moaned, the house is really messy and I went out with my family for my birthday meal. Don’t get me wrong I understand that obviously the baby comes first and I can’t be centre of attention anymore and I’m okay with that! The only thing I want is my birthday to be about me. Half of my family didn’t come and the ones that were there didn’t even really speak to me because I was stuck in the corner with the baby because there wasn’t enough room for the highchair. I am not at all blaming the baby, I’m mad at them, they could of moved further down the table but didn’t. After the meal everyone said we would go to the pub for a few drinks, I took the baby back to my mams, got her pyjamas on, got her to sleep in the travel cot and left her with my sister.
I never get invited anywhere since I’ve had the baby so I was quite excited when my cousins asked me to join them on a proper night out in town. My Mum however wouldn’t have the baby over night so I couldn’t. My mum doesn’t drink at all so It wasn’t like she had already had to much, the baby was already asleep at her house so she wouldn’t of had to do anything until the morning. The baby never ever wakes up in the night and I would of been round first thing, I never ask her to look after her overnight, my Mum even finished work early today. I feel like it was a bit unfair that she wouldn’t look after her for me. Might sound childish but I don’t care!
After one drink I had to call it a night obviously, I went back to my mums and had to get the baby out of her travel cot, into her coat, in her pram and walk her home at nine oclock, 2 hours after her bedtime, she of course woke up and had a screaming fit. I’m now at home and she’s gone back to sleep and I’m alone again. This is the first birthday I’ve had since I was about 12 where I was single and I’m not coping well. I just want someone to complain to, someone to curl up on the sofa with to watch a movie and forget why I’m annoyed. I just don’t wanna be alone.