Trying to date is not what I expected. I think I spent too much time in my teens watching american chick flicks and I got this unrealistic image in my head of what it would be like once I really started to date. Obviously I’ve had boyfriends but I always felt like a child still, since becoming a Mum I look at everything differently so I don’t want a relationship that revolves around nights out and being wild. I just want someone to snuggle up with on a night, someone that has a job and actual life goals.

So I met this guy about three years ago at a house party, I don’t think we ever actually spoke (I’ll be honest I have no memory of ever meeting him, I just knew of him but according to him we did actually meet). After not seeing each other for probably about two years he added me on Facebook. I know, romantic right? We started talking and we just clicked straight away. He made me laugh and made me feel so comfortable. He already knew I was a Mum so we didn’t need to have that conversation.

After about two weeks of talking non stop he talked me into seeing him. Because my anxiety is so bad the thought of meeting him obviously made me want to vomit. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone so we decided he could come to my house. Arabella was awake and playing when he came over which wasn’t what I had planned but it all worked out perfectly. They got on like a house on fire, she thinks he’s hilarious and he’s quite fond of her too.

we’ve seen each other loads since then, we even had the awkward first time sex without anything awkward actually happening. so now two months in I really like him. We’ve been getting on great so of course now something has to happen to ruin it because people like me can’t just be happy.

He texts me every morning but takes hours to reply, we have only seen each other once in two weeks, everything was going at a nice speed and now suddenly I feel like we are going backwards. Am I being clingy? I thought people were clingy and loved up in these early stages? Did I miss the rules of relationships changing? I tried to talk to him about it but it didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I don’t want to annoy him  by constantly double texting him or bringing up how I feel because he doesn’t know I’m insane yet.

I really want this to work but I’m really worried he’s now gone off me. Considering he had so much time for me in the beginning his excuses seem empty.


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